


Wishing I Knew

by A_Dying_Wolf_Dying_With_Dignity



Series: Us Against It All (Plangst Week) [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But is it considered underage if they're in outer space??, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Pangst, Pidge doesn't understand her feelings, Pidge | Katie Holt Angst, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 15:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Dying_Wolf_Dying_With_Dignity/pseuds/A_Dying_Wolf_Dying_With_Dignity
Summary: Day Seven of Plangst Week: Logic/EmotionsThanks to Lance, Pidge has learned to follow her emotions more, especially when it's time to let loose at a ball they're attending. Unfortunately, she's unable to process her feelings when they stir out of control upon a sight she can't unsee.





	Wishing I Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: It's now my birthday and of fucking course the prompt I struggled the most with had to be the one for today :')))

They knew each other's lips as well as they knew the rest of each other's bodies. They knew the exact color of each other's eyes and could identify each other's voices from far away. They knew the right touches to calm each other down.

Pidge learned to understand affectionism through Lance. As a romantic at heart, he showed her the amount of importance expressing fond emotions goes into a relationship through experience. He demonstrated - through consent, of course - that simple things like kisses and saying how much they care about each other can go a long way. He made her understand what following one's heart rather than their brain is like.

She had to admit it, she liked feeling instead of thinking for once. It felt nice to shut everything but her emotions down. She didn't have to dwell on the odds of something going wrong as long as trust was the overall factor.

... But if that's the case, why did she feel that trust wavering? Certainly it had something to do with the atmosphere.

Everyone in Team Voltron was attending a ball on a planet as part of negotiating its inhabitants' cooperation in the fight against the Galra Empire. It was covered in this beautiful landscape of tall grass and flowers with cloudless blue skies, and the palace had these breathtaking stained glass windows depicting its flora and fauna. The other guests dressed in attire of soft thin cloths, adorned lightly in jewelry that captured the common trait of their pink skin the humans compared to cotton candy. Alcohol was plentiful in the ballroom, from what seemed to be endless bottles containing a fizzy golden-colored liquid, so with their leader's permission, they all partook in a glass or two.

For Lance, it ended up being three. Pidge only had one because while she's accepted offered drinks from alien hosts in the past and in space there isn't much of a legal age for drinking, she didn't like letting her guard down. One more reason for her boyfriend to nag her to loosen up a little.

Throughout the night she didn't dance or mingle like the others were. Her alcoholic beverage was still barely halfway done, resting in her hand to be left forgotten, as she looked for the same boyfriend who promised he'd keep her company. That was half a varga ago, so she was getting a bit antsy being by herself for that long. It seemed she may as well leave the ballroom since she couldn't find him inside.

Initially, she assumed he left to find the bathroom. She didn't even make it a few feet outside the ballroom doors when she saw him... with a female alien who was giggling at something he said.

Yeah, that was definitely why she had this uneasiness in her stomach that she knew couldn't have been caused by her drink or any food she's eaten.

She took advantage of not being seen and watched them converse. The woman with Lance was the daughter of this planet's ruler, the very princess whom she met before the ball got into full swing. According to other guests, she has a reputation for being spoiled, so she made it a habit to get whatever she wants no matter what it is or what it takes to get it.

As Lance's girlfriend, Pidge was used to men and women alike getting a little too close to Lance for her liking without him thinking anything of it. She tried to do the same; she _knew_ him, enough to know his loyalty to his friends and family and especially to her was unbreakable. She didn't care as long as she knew he wouldn't dare cross the line.

However, when the princess pulled him down to kiss him with no sign of letting him pull away, Pidge felt her chest tighten much more than her stomach. For a dobash there was a double take. A very brief time period to recount what was done at this given point. Ticks went by in a tensing silence. In her head she counted how many passed before she saw her release Lance to let him breathe.

Five in total. Each one that had been much longer and more _painful_ than the last.

They kept talking, the princess's cheeks now a shade of pink that contrasted her skin, Lance not doing or saying anything in objection to what just happened. Pidge got it - he hasn't forgotten that this ball is to get close to the planet's inhabitants so they can get them to agree to joining their alliance; the princess liked getting what she wanted, and right now she wanted _him_ , so he let her have him for that quick moment to avoid receiving a bad report from her. If she asked for anything else, he'll have to answer to it somehow until the ball is over. She might even ask that he initiates the kiss next even though it was clear she took him by surprise the first time and he wouldn't have room to refuse.

Pidge looked down at herself. She had opted for a light green dress and a matching headband, but under the skirt she had her bayard strapped to her outer thigh in case of an emergency. What was making her want to take her bayard out and electrocute both of them on the spot? It wasn't like Lance was causing these negative emotions in on purpose. She wasn't even sure what they were anyways.

He was doing nothing wrong, only doing what he can to maintain good relations, but she was still affected by it. The hell was she feeling?

Looking at them again, she felt her heart thump loudly against her rib cage, threatening to burst out of her chest. They were both attractive, could easily make a lovely-looking couple. Lance chose her, though, and she questioned why. Her looks did not even begin to compare - she can pass off as a _guy_ , for heaven's sake. She recalled when Lance had his sights set on Allura and he would go to her after facing rejection upon rejection.

Maybe... she was always his second choice. Now that this new princess has come along showing obvious interest in him, he'd choose her-

She shook her head. He wasn't like that at all! He's a trustworthy person when it comes to his relationships with people, including theirs. There was no way he'd _ever_ hurt her like that! So why was she feeling hurt to begin with?!

The longer she stared at him and the princess, the less she understood. What exactly could be plaguing her heart from the mere sight of them together? Bitterness? Doubt? Some sort of combination wrapped into one emotion? She did feel angry, and a little scared, like she was going to lose him if she didn't do something.

... _Jealousy_ , that's the word.

It was towards the princess and the situation. Lance is _her_ boyfriend, not hers. She had this energy in her that had her believing she could easily push her out of the way and stake her claim. Have his lips all to herself because only she should be allowed to know they taste like spearmint, just as he's the only one who's kissed her to know she tastes like cinnamon sugar. This woman didn't have anything on them or how closely bonded they are.

Unfortunately, this didn't stop her from a bit of her anger going towards Lance. She didn't understand why - _he's_ the victim here, just as she was for seeing this. He was probably asked by the princess to leave the ballroom and have some alone time with her. Perhaps he was charming his way into getting hidden information from her in exchange for accepting her request.

Did he use his thick, caramel-smooth voice to make her feel relaxed around him? Did he bat his eyes, bringing attention to the orbs of cobalt blue so she'd get lost in them? Did he do that thing where he brings up a hand to slowly brush it down her arm from her shoulders until she shivered with excitement-

Glass still in hand, Pidge downed the rest of her drink, ignoring the burn in her throat that came with it. Obviously she didn't need to just shut down her brain as per Lance's request before the ball started, but to do the same for her heart as well, because right now it wasn't having any of this. Alcohol is a depressant, able to reduce nervous activity in the brain. Maybe she could still go for another drink in spite of her original plans to stay completely sober. She returned to the ballroom as silently as she'd left it to refill her glass.

After another four rounds, she was plopped down at the table they all sat at during dinner, only this time she was alone. Her head was filled with processing the carefree atmosphere surrounding her and how it was not affecting her like it should be. That kiss her boyfriend shared - unwillingly, she added, she knew - with the princess tainted the very recesses of her mind.

Tonight was supposed to be about letting loose, but despite going onto her sixth glass, she still kept feeling.


End file.
